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The EPA released a statement Tuesday saying that they figured everyone would be wearing those masks by now.
Taking into consideration the environmental impact of a continuing dependence on fossil fuels and the depletion of natural resources, the EPA announced in this latest report that they had just assumed people would understand by now that the air is poison and definitely not okay to breathe without some kind of filtration device like a gas mask or at least one of those surgical things that you tie on.
“The best we can do right now is urge people they should probably put something over their mouths,” added Hendeman, who is honestly surprised people are willing to venture out into the world without some sort of protective suit, like the nuclear Hazmat ones you see in the movies. “Figured this would’ve already been happening, but I guess I was wrong."
“Whatever you do, definitely don’t drink water,” he continued. “Seriously believed by now we would just understand that to be fundamentally unsafe. I mean do you know what big companies put in our water supply? I do. I work for the EPA. Trust me, you don’t wanna know.”
When asked about predictions for future climate change, Hendeman was contrite. “Sort of just figure we’ll have moved to a different planet by then, considering how much we’re destroying the Earth," he said. “If not that, then we’ll probably just go extinct. Yeah, that would make sense. Probably that’s what’s gonna happen.”
