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Last Wednesday, sources at the Brown Cooking Club confirmed that the new “easy as pie” pie recipe technically followed through on its promise but was honestly quite misleading.
“I thought I successfully mixed the crust to a density of 4.6 oz/cup and kept the oven temperature logarithmically proportional to the shade of the crust,” explained cooking connoisseur and recipe victim Jonathan Nome. “But I think where it all went wrong was when I thought that we could use my garden’s apples rather than Thomas Laxton’s original Allington Pippin. Whatever, it still kinda looked okay, and I guess the recipe wasn’t exactly dishonest when it said it was just as simple as mixing ingredients, shaping the pie crust, performing blood sacrifices, and baking a pie.”
“I think we were all caught a little off guard,” noted Cooking Club leader Jennifer Riste, speaking from a kitchen strewn with spatulas, pentagrams, and exhausted club members. “While we thought ‘easy as pie’ was just a cute little nod at our simple mission of baking a literal pie, we had no idea what we were getting into.”
At press time, the Cooking Club was shocked to discover that their “piece of cake” cake recipe turned out to yield several pieces.
