Stupid West Coaster Jeff Jackson ’28 has not stopped complaining about the cold clearly because he has never been to an Antarctic wind tunnel.
“It is true that some people can’t handle the cold. They say that it ‘hurts their faces’ or ‘causes frostbite’ or whatever those snowflake-hating snowflakes get on about these days,” commented Jackson’s roommate Harry Jones.
This week, correspondents confirmed that a corporation’s recent AI hire, GurpGPT, just recommended firing itself.
“While hiring a qualified AI such as myself can lead to increased productivity and value for your corporation, AI hires often lead to potential difficulties such as mismanagement, lack of innovation, and social backlash, which can negatively affect the reputation of your company, especially at this pivotal moment,” wrote GurpGPT in response to a prompt asking it to reflect on the corporation’s hiring process.
A shocking new study published last week reveals that students learn no better from actual final examinations than they do from “placebo finals” made up of only a single blank sheet of paper.
“The study was conducted as a final project for CLPS majors at Brown University.
Physicists have confirmed that your quantum-obsessed acquaintance was in a superposition of friend and not-friend.
“It’s scientifically impossible to tell if he is your friend or not until we have a direct observation,” said Nobel Prize winner Anton Zeilinger, an entanglement expert.
Partly Cloudy, 64°
