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In a report out of local Sunnyside Farms this week, sources indicated that this whole egg shortage thing was really not helping their chicken with performance anxiety.
“We’ve taken to spelling s-h-o-r-t-a-g-e in front of her,” whispered head poultryman Ernest McBride, covertly pointing at a hen cowered in a corner. “She used to only get like this right before the annual county fair e-g-g c-o-m-p-e-t-i-t-i-o-n.”
“I try to pretend not to notice her over there attempting to lay an egg,” said fellow farmer Eloise MacDonald as the hen’s legs began to shake at the mere mention of the word “egg.” “But we really need every, um, e-word we can get in times like these.”
“When she’s at the top of her game, she’s our best hen,” added McBride, forlornly packing up the single carton of eggs produced by the entire farm that day. “But the pressure has mounted so high. She’s got to know this nation is clamoring for every egg it can get. But right now, she really just needs to get out of her own head.”
When asked for comment, the hen became so nervous that she did not lay another egg for 14 days.
