Isabella's articles
Sources report that your professor is actually equally, if not more, nervous than you are for office hours.
“I put on extra deodorant, and I’ve been reapplying every hour on the hour,” said Professor of Mathematics Dr. Adam Richards, sweat stains beginning to form on his khaki button-up.
In a report out of local Sunnyside Farms this week, sources indicated that this whole egg shortage thing was really not helping their chicken with performance anxiety.
“We’ve taken to spelling s-h-o-r-t-a-g-e in front of her,” whispered head poultryman Ernest McBride, covertly pointing at a hen cowered in a corner.
Recent investigations found that the guy you met one time in English class is liking some pretty freaky Instagram reels.
“I barely know the guy, but he seemed pretty normal during our first interaction in Fiction I,” recalled junior Zoe Turner, shocked to later see “liked by mike_lee” underneath a reel of an oddly phallic woodworking tutorial.
Sources report that a lame party late Saturday night was saved from imminent disaster by double-jointed freak Cooper Wilson.
“It all happened so fast. One minute I was about to ask someone about their major, but then someone shouted, ‘Hey, look!’ before I could get the words out,” said partygoer Susan Cooke, who was just about ready to leave the party that was really just 23 people awkwardly standing around in a kitchen.
Sources report that senior comparative literature concentrator Augustus Goldberg is still struggling to figure out the difference between this book and that other book.
“I just can’t seem to tell what the true difference between these two books is,” a visibly perplexed Goldberg stated.
Recent reports state that notorious hypochondriac Emily Williams should probably get that thing checked out.
“My throat has been feeling a little scratchy, maybe I should go to the doctor,” said Williams, unaware that whatever thing she’s got is probably getting worse by the day.
Brett Bradenton, member of local Sigma Delta Phi fraternity chapter, has reportedly been spotted stuffing his cheeks with Zyns like a desperate chipmunk preparing for a rough and harrowing winter.
“Bro is like a Zyn god. Rippin’ upper decky lip pillows always,” fellow brother and Zynthusiast Jacob “Jake” Jacobson said.
That off-campus apartment you just toured has already been leased by a fetus in utero.
“Sorry about that, but the early bird gets the worm!” joked landlord Johnson Smithton, aka “Big J,” referring to the already leased apartment that featured decorative touches of chipped paint and ornamental black mold in its 4-square-foot bathroom.
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