After a series of conflicts between roommates, an email asking someone in the group to stop leaving out minced goat intestines was addressed to Ryan, Meg, Sal, and Hafthorn, Son of Krongad the Butcher.

“I don’t want to point fingers, Ryan, Meg, Sal, and Hafthorn, Hunter of Infinite Bloodlust,” began the email, listing every possible culprit. “But even if the liver-skin sacks hung from the mantel are ‘one’s cultural tradition of drying minced goat intestine,’ it leaves an unpleasant odor and means that whoever this may be is not prioritizing group harmony.”

“Furthermore, Ryan, Meg, Sal, and Hafthorn, Bellower of Peasant-Terror, the morning horn-calls across the bay have become quite obstructionary to the sound sleep of your roommates,” continued the message in an effort to avoid pointing any fingers. “The calls also seem to be correlated with excessive consumption of mead and the release of a small, burning boat into the lake. Whoever this could be should do the work and take accountability for their impact on the others.”

At press time, Hafthorn earned a new title: Slayer of Worm-Minded Roommates.

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