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According to a recent study, Sophie Goodman’s end-of-semester photo dump has grown to 200,000 square kilometers in the southwest Pacific Ocean.
“These blurry photos of Sophie’s sophomore dorm room can last in ecosystems for hundreds of years, causing immense ecological harm,” said marine biologist Marla Sherwin, shoveling bushels of over-exposed film photos of the Providence skyline into a trash bag. “Now that whole region is an ecological dead zone. Nothing but pictures of half-finished watercolor paintings and self-timer photos of Sophie in front of the Ratty dumpster for as far as the eye can see.”
“The dump is so large that it has changed ocean currents and wreaked havoc on marine life,“ Sherwin continued, attempting to free a seabird ensnared in a grainy photograph of Sophie’s friend smoking a cigarette on a balcony. “Luckily Sophie decided to leave some of her worst photos in her stories, where they’ll degrade quickly and pose less of a threat to the environment.”
At press time, it was announced that a Today@Brown email spilled 10,000 cubic meters of priority items into the Gulf of Mexico.
