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The Brown Noser

Engineering Student Who Will Start Toaster-Sharing Startup Scoffs At Entire Field of Anthropology

Published Friday, November 3rd, 2017

Students report that first-year mechanical engineering concentrator David Klein, who will one day start a toaster-sharing startup, summarily dismissed the entire field of anthropology on Monday.

Klein, whose business model will involve allowing people who own toasters to loan out slots of their toasters to those without toasters for a fee, scoffed at the “uselessness” of anthropology.

“I don’t see why these anthro concentrators can’t just study something worthwhile,” Klein, who hopes to make millions of dollars by changing the way the world thinks about toasters, laughed. “Come on, this is the real world. There’s no money in the humanities, but there is money in coding. Coding apps for toasters. Have fun working at Starbucks, you’re gonna be warming up chipotle chicken flatbreads in my crowdsourced toasters.”

At press time, Klein, who considers himself a mixture of Mark Zuckerberg and Eminem, began debunking the entire field of literary analysis and criticism.

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