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Following the discovery that her roommate had been using her toothbrush, enraged freshman Nicole Chen was still too nervous to violate her room condition report by breaking anything in her dorm room.
“It was insane,” reports second-floor resident Kenneth Mitchell, who witnessed the incident on his way to the kitchen. “She raised her fist like she was going to punch a hole in his closet—but then she just froze.”
“I was furious but then I remembered the room condition report I filled out on my second day here," explained Chen. "I realized that even though I reported the fair-to-sub-par condition of the paint chipping off the wall, I definitely didn’t report a fist-sized hole in the middle of the door.”
Just before attempting to furiously exit, Chen realized that slamming the door would be a violation of the respectful behavior clause of her roommate contract, flipping over a garbage would violate the dorm’s cleanliness standards, and breaking the microwave would cost his parents $250. Chen reportedly staggered around the room, too afraid to touch anything too roughly for fear of the expenses she might incur at the end of the second semester.
At press time, Jameson floormates have reported that Chen has resorted to screaming internally, as not to wake any of her floormates during quiet hours.
