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According to a recent Brown University study, ethics and morality classes are actually way easier if you’re evil.
“At first, I was having a really hard time in my ethics class navigating complex and nuanced ethical dilemmas, all while trying to make sense of years and years of philosophical debate. But then I realized that all of these problems were really easy if I just thought about them in an evil way!” announced Abbadon Graves, who recently secured an internship at Raytheon. “By disregarding any concerns around human suffering or hurt feelings, every choice becomes so much more clear! For example, in my trolley problem midterm, I just wrote ‘kill everyone.’ And I got a 100%! Ever since I became evil, I have felt so unburdened and free.”
“Being evil just makes sense. So many of life’s problems are only difficult if you are trying to be good, but when you are evil, there is rarely ever a doubt about what you should do,” said newly hired anthropology professor Doctor Frederick Sins, who was recently praised for an innovative assignment requiring students to commit ten acts of evil. “Some people don’t like evil, they think that being evil is bad. I think that that is a close-minded way of thinking, and being evil is already serving my students so well.”
At press time, being evil was highly correlated with a successful future and recruitment into high-paying jobs.
