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The Brown Noser

Every Animal In Zoo Clearly Taxidermed

Published Friday, December 4th, 2015

Noting the overwhelming scent of formaldehyde, visitors at the new Westview Park Zoo reported that every animal in the zoo is clearly taxidermied.

“I’m sure all of the animals are just stuffed,” said Meryl Pena, standing by the African plains exhibit. “That elephant hasn’t moved since I got here, and the giraffe is definitely nailed to a wooden base.”

Westview has four sections and 128 different animal species on display, none of which appear even mildly alive. “At first, I thought the fish were looking at me,” said Gerald Gill, visiting the aquarium exhibit. “Then I realized I was looking at a bunch of googly eyes. Those were googly eyes glued to dead fish.”

“My kids love it—they get to see nocturnal animals that sleep at other zoos. The only issue is having to explain that animals don’t usually wear clothes in the wild,” said mother Audrey Lowe in front of a cage displaying three stuffed lions in three-piece suits.

“I’m not buying it,” said Walker Owens as he left the zoo. “The chimpanzee was basically just a skeleton! It wasn’t even taxidermied well!"

Westview Park Zoo is set to close for several days after a stuffed lemur fell from a branch and broke into several pieces.

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