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Cementing herself as the most popular kid in third grade, local nine-year-old Brenda Beckerman had all of her classmates sign her festering wound during snack break last Tuesday, sources confirm.
“Look at all the friends I have,” said Beckerman proudly as classmate Tony Gilligan prepared to write, “Get well soon!” in sharpie on her exposed flesh.
“Ow! Ow!” she added.
“Brenda looks so tough with her infected wound,” said fellow third-grader Trip Dennett after practicing his cursive on Beckerman’s protruding humerus. “I wish I had a pus-covered gash on my arm that everyone could sign.”
“It’s sort of a bummer that my wound is going to close up eventually,” said Beckerman after her friend Lissa Michaels penned, “Lissa rocks!” into the bloody, mangled remains of her upper arm. “Hopefully my doctor will let me keep the scabs!”
Beckerman’s teacher Wendy Mills claims that her students have been incredibly encouraging, making Brenda feel a lot better by signing her putrid laceration. “It’s great to see the students looking out for each other. There’s hardly any empty space left on Brenda’s suppurating injury for me to sign!”
Sources confirm that the overwhelming support has made Beckerman start to feel dizzy.
