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The Brown Noser

Everyone in Chipotle Feels Vaguely Guilty for Some Reason

Published Wednesday, December 7th, 2011

At approximately 5 p.m. on Thursday, both patrons and staff of the popular Chipotle Mexican Grill on Thayer Street felt inexplicably guilty for a reason they could not quite explain.

“I was just really disappointed with myself,” explained Leo Edison ’14, who was otherwise having a pretty nice day until this point. “I couldn’t even make eye contact with the guy making my food.”

Kareem Parson ’13 and Ryan Correnstein ’13, whose parents definitely raised them better than this, frequent the Thayer eatery at least once a week. However, on Thursday, they walked out of the establishment clutching their trademark foil-wrapped burritos as if they were evidence of a violent murder.

Nearly all of the patrons quickly paid for their meals and left, after some vague feeling in the pits of their stomachs kept them from lingering too long in the establishment.

Providence local Maggie Tyler has worked at the Thayer Street Chipotle since its opening last December. “A few people ordered but then just left as I was halfway through making their food,” she recalled. “My shift ends at 6, but at around quarter-of I took off my gloves and called it a day. I just had to get out of there … go for a drive, take a walk—anything to clear my head.”

Several individuals were also seen exiting Toledo, wielding pizza cones and expressions of intense loathing.

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