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Life is complicated. Each day there’s a new challenge to overcome, and as we navigate through love, loss, success and hardship, there’s never a shortage of things that make us scratch our heads and say, “Huh?” But if there’s one issue that no longer confuses me, it is television remotes that control the flow of time. What cleared everything up for me? Simple. The film “Click” starring comedian Adam Sandler.
Six years ago I was in a state of perpetual uncertainty. Night after night I would lie awake in bed, puzzling over life’s great questions. Like, could there exist a television remote that would pause not only my “Ocean’s Twelve” DVD, but also my wife? More importantly, if such a remote did exist, and it allowed me to, say, fast-forward through all my interactions with my stepson, would that be a blessing or a curse?
Imagine my delight one Friday in June 2006, when I wandered into a movie theater and, within 107 minutes, had all my questions answered. Surely the identity of the answerer comes as no surprise. It was Adam Sandler, actor, performing in the Frank Coraci-directed movie “Click.”
“Click” is not the type of film that addresses only the soft problems of time remotes while ignoring all the difficult ones. Take it from someone who used the film as the basis for a series of video blogs that explored in detail the ethics of using remote-controlled time manipulation to gain the upper hand in an athletic contest—“Click” is the authoritative resource on time remotes.
If you are like me, and are most curious about the emotional impact of using these special remotes, “Click” has got you covered. Using these remotes will only bring you heartbreak.
If you are more concerned with logistical issues surrounding the remotes, like if they learn the owner’s preferences and then make inferences about what the owner wants in the future, then “Click” has an answer for you too. The answer is yes, and it inevitably leads to the owner’s fast-forwarding through events he-or-she will deeply regret missing, causing the heartbreak mentioned above.
Thank you Adam Sandler, former cast member on “Saturday Night Live,” for teaching us this.
But as any philosophy or Adam Sandler buff will tell you, some phenomena are too nuanced to be explained in a single work. If your time-related questions pertain not to remotes but to amnesia, and the possibility that a woman able to recall the events of only one day can find love, “Click” is not the film for you. The film for you is “50 First Dates,” starring actor-comedian Adam Sandler.
On the other hand, if your questions about love pertain not to amnesia but to interracial relationships, and a man whose Mexican housekeeper understands him like his wife never could, you should skip “50 First Dates.” Instead, seek guidance in “Spanglish,” featuring funnyman Adam Sandler in an uncharacteristically dramatic role.
And if by a fluke you are afflicted by doubts that do not fit into one of the three categories I have listed—that is, time remotes, amnesia, or interracial relationships—you should watch “Little Nicky.” Also, “Mr. Deeds.” Adam Sandler is in both of these.
Adam Sandler. He’s no sage, but he knows a thing or two about television remotes that control time. And you know what? In my book, that makes him a sage.
