A campus fatass was mistaken for a badass last Tuesday afternoon after bringing food and drink into a computer lab of the CIT building in spite of strict rules forbidding such activity.
Henry Chesterfield ’14 breezed through the CIT’s main lobby and into the SunLab defiantly holding three slices of pizza and a large soda from Antonio’s. Chesterfield’s bold action caused heads to swivel between him and the large “No Food or Drink” sign next to the SunLab’s door. Classmates whispered among themselves about how ballsy his action was.
“I’ve snuck a bag of chips in there before,” said computer science concentrator Leo Yeltsin ’13. “Maybe even a bottle of Powerade from the SciLi. But I’ve never seen something on such a grand scale.”
Chesterfield, who made no effort to hide his contraband, walked past the lab supervisor sweating slightly and clutching the greasy meal to his chest. He then made his way to a computer on the far end of the room.
It wasn’t until the corpulent co-ed started to consume his meal that students realized they had evaluated Chesterfield incorrectly.
“He was just sitting there, shoving food in his mouth,” recounted Bobby Gowan ‘14. “I don’t think he even logged onto a computer beforehand.”
Lab supervisor Aaron Gugenhouse ’12 finally put a stop to the gluttonous consumption when Chesterfield began dripping tomato sauce and Coca-Cola on the keyboard.
“That was such a jackass move,” said Yeltsin. “I feel like such a dumbass for thinking he was cool.”