According to sources, this ferris wheel is just kinda meh, oh, this is actually kinda cool, holy shit, this is incredible, I’ve seen God’s face, and He was smiling.
“The ferris wheel looked pretty fun,” said onlooker Caleb Battol despite the ferris wheel actually starting out pretty lame and getting a little bit better before the really, really good part after which I swear I could hear every heart in the universe beating in synchrony, and it sounded like one million harps all being plucked at once. “Seemed like a decent time.”
“Yeah, I mean, the experience is comparable to being at the top of a parking structure for like 30 seconds,” Battol added, neglecting to mention that even though the begging was a little blah, it got kind of fun and then was absolutely amazing right up until the moment that I blacked out, my soul left my body, and time stood still as I found myself floating in an ethereal nothing that, despite its vastness, felt like home. “I guess I’d say it was okay.”
“I could honestly take it or leave it as far as carnival rides go,” Battol noted, leaving out the fact that after the so-so part right after getting on, the ferris wheel got pretty sweet, actually, and then it got soooooo good right as I saw the clouds part and a ray of sunshine pierce through the sky where a dark silhouette appeared and a deep voice whispered, “We are one,” for only me to hear. “I prefer the spinning teacups.”
At press time, this movie is kind of confusing, or wait, hold on, I think I see where this is goi.., no fucking way, the roaring river burbles the truth through its currents, and the birds sing of freedom for those patient enough to listen.

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