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The Brown Noser

Fetus Sick Of Being Treated Like Little Embryo

Published Friday, March 7th, 2014

Claiming he has the worst parents in the whole world, unborn fetus Jacob Ricks says he is sick and tired of always being treated like he is a little embryo. “I’m a fetus now, but my parents act like I am just beginning to show the first signs of brain activity—it’s so obnoxious!” said the 24-week-old fetus.

Ricks, who assumes he will be named Jacob, is concerned that his parents will never understand him. He articulated, “I’ve already formed alveoli in my lungs, but it’s like they think I’m still 5-weeks-old and my lungs are just beginning to appear!”

Jacob explains that he is especially annoyed with his mother’s eating habits. “She’s always eating spinach, which is total embryo food. My neural tubes are already fully-formed and I don’t need any more folic acid,” said the 10.9-centimeter long fetus. “Stop ruining my life!”

Expressing his frustration regarding his mother’s prenatal behavior, Jacob doubts his parents even know he is a boy. The 1-pound, 8-ounce fetus added, “They’ve already done the ultrasound, but they still treat me like this is the first trimester and I don’t have differentiated sex organs. I bet they haven’t even started painting my nursery. They are so infuriating!”

Citing several visits to the obstetrician, Jacob argued it’s time for his parents to move on. “Obviously, I’ll always be their little embryo, but it’s time for them to start acknowledging that I’m a fetus now," said Jacob. "I’ve grown so much in the past 6 months—eyelids, a circulatory system. Pretty soon I’ll even start growing fingernails!”

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