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The Brown Noser

Fireworks Factory Employee Realizes He Could Probably Make a Bomb

Published Friday, December 7th, 2012

After his lunch break on Wednesday, Francis Glassman, an employee of the Lawn Rocket Fireworks factory in East Providence, realized that he likely had the materials and expertise necessary to construct a sizable bomb, capable of causing a fair amount of destruction.

Glassman conducted a cursory internet search and was relatively surprised with the wealth of information about bomb construction he was able to find.

“I’m pretty sure that I have all the materials right here,” said Glassman, gesturing to the various cases of potassium nitrate, fusing and other supplies he works with on a regular basis. “And it seems like you kinda just dump it all together and make sure you stand far enough back. Honestly, it seems easier than making the actual fireworks.”

Glassman is reportedly given pretty free rein over his own work schedule and is relatively unsupervised, leading him to conclude that he might even be able to make a bomb right in the factory.

“I mean, I’m not saying I’m gonna actually build a bomb, which would probably be capable of killing a couple dozen people. But it also seems really unlikely that I would get caught,” Glassman said, skimming over a Wikipedia article. “I’ve never been angry working here before, but if the big guy upstairs was ever mean, I could do it. I need this job, so I wouldn’t, but still.”

Glassman figures that if he really wanted to, he could probably also do it from his home.

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