The first friend to leave a gathering has reportedly caused the complete and utter dispersal of all other people there. “I didn’t think much of it,” said Susana Oria, the first friend to leave the gathering. “But when everyone started grabbing their coats or slapping their legs before standing up and saying ‘well then,’ I realized what I had done. I never meant for any of this to happen, and yes, it was pretty late, but I can’t help but feel like I’m personally to blame for breaking the bond.” At press time, Jamie and Clara’s decision to hook up was catalyzing the disintegration of the entire friend group.

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