Friday, March 29, 2024
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The Brown Noser

Tao Burga Montoya

Writer (Retired)

Tao's articles

First Friend To Leave Catalyzes Complete Disintegration Of Gathering | Feb 04 2022

The first friend to leave a gathering has reportedly caused the complete and utter dispersal of all other people there. “I didn’t think much of it,” said Susana Oria, the first friend to leave the gathering. “But when everyone started grabbing their coats or slapping their legs before standing up and saying ‘well then,’ I realized what I had done.

VDub Spoils Students With Taco Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday | Dec 03 2021

Brown Dining Services announced yesterday that the Verney-Woolley dining hall will be changing its schedule, treating students to Taco Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. “We thought that students would love for us to change it up a little,” said Paul Bauer, a staff member at the VDub.

Turning On Inside Light In Car Will Be End Of Us, Report Parents | Oct 29 2021

Area parents John and Lilly Bates reported that turning on the inside light in the car at night would be the end of the family. “Turn that light off immediately,” John commanded sternly, a grave look coming onto his face. “Never, ever turn that light on.

Area Man Presses AC Button On Calculator Several Times Just In Case | Sep 17 2021

Rapidly punching the button with his right thumb, area man John Bates pressed the AC button on his calculator several times just in case. “I’m just being cautious, there’s no loss in that,” said Bates while adding many parentheses where he didn’t need them.

Six-Year-Old With Stick Menace To Society | Sep 17 2021

Picking up a stick from the ground, area six-year-old Benjamin Dawson quickly became a menace to civil society. “Ben has always loved the outdoors,” Benjamin’s mom Sherry Dawson said with a warm smile while her son hit everything in sight with his stick.