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In recent news out of the automotive industry, the Ford F-150 has officially been ranked the number one car for drunk driving.
“The Ford F-150 elevates both the convenience and confidence of drivers who drink behind the wheel,” shared Consumer Reports in their latest lifestyle analysis. “With its remarkable sound system and effortless acceleration, it easily allows the inebriated to simply ask, ‘What was that?’ after driving full speed into, on top of, and over whatever was in their way. With seats designed with both built-in heaters and specially insulated under storage, the Ford F-150 allows the everyday alcoholic to heat the crown jewels real nice while the brewskis below chill on ice.”
“It’s the greatest ride for starting the night off at your son’s high school football game and then ending it waking up the next mornin’ with your nipples pierced all red in the parking lot of a Ruby Tuesday’s,” shared Jimbo McCrae, an avid consumer of both Ford and Michelob Ultra. “I’m lucky. Every other weekend, I don’t even gotta worry about the actual driving, I got my little girl in the passenger seat steering it for me. That’s a nice thing about the open interior. All I gotta do is press down on the gas. Hard. And boy, does the Ford F-150 go fast. When I drive with one hand holding a beer and the other hand holding onto another beer, I feel invincible.”
At press time, the Boeing 737 was ranked the number one plane for crashing.
