Partly Cloudy, 64°
Former Warwick Veterans Memorial High School baseball star Joey Connor wants to know if you found everything okay today. Connor would be happy to help you find whatever you’re looking for, be it a ribbed tank top or a great pair of jeans. Sure, Connor used to be the biggest thing ever to come out of Warwick, R.I., but now he is completely devoted to your satisfaction as a valued customer.
Now that, at the age of 34, he has already lived through his glory days as a talented young pitcher, Connor has learned that life is about more than fulfilling your dreams. It’s about helping people like you find a great sweater. He wants make sure you know that jeans are buy one, get one 50 percent off today, because it looks like you didn’t pick up any jeans today, and Connor really does think this is a deal that you wouldn’t want to miss.
As he rings up your purchases, the man whose knuckle ball was once legendary among talent scouts wants to let you know that there’s a sale on beige corduroys. Connor hopes that you appreciate his expert folding skills, which are nothing compared to his fast ball.
Connor, who was once pitted to play for the Red Sox, flinches slightly as you fumble with your Red Sox wallet, but he would still be elated to put your receipt in the bag if that’s what you want. You take your bagged purchase from the same arm that once pitched a no hitter on a broken ankle and Connor reminds you to come back for the blowout sale next week.
