Sources confirmed last night that a fortune cookie at Chinese restaurant The Golden Palace has made some pretty big promises. “When I read it, I was like, ‘Whoa, okay, let’s see where this goes!’” said diner Karl Merkins, who has reportedly been having a rough couple of months and does not have the energy to be let down again. “I don’t want to get my hopes up, but this little piece of paper really sounds like it knows what it’s talking about.” The fortune cookie also seemed confident it could teach Merkins Chinese.

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