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The Brown Noser

Freshman Can’t Wait to Replicate Her High School Friend Group at Brown

Published Friday, September 15th, 2017

Sources report that freshman Cady Salib is eager to create an exact replica of her high school friend circle from a candidate pool consisting of the entire Class of 2021.

“I came to Brown so I could meet a diverse group of people that I could comb through to find an identical group of friends,” explained Salib. “I’m gonna go to all the orientation events so I can meet as many people as possible and scope out who can fill the very specific niches my high school friends did.”

“I first thought my roommate would be a perfect Cathy but it turns out she’s really much more like Tracy,” continued Salib, who rides horses, religiously watches Home Alone every December, and really hopes her new friends also share those interests. “At the ice cream social, I met a guy who spent the summer making furniture in his dad’s garage. I instantly knew he’d be a great Jonathan even though his laugh sounded more like a Taylor.”

At press time, Salib was skyping with her friend back home in Cranston, RI.

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