Hundreds of miles from home, freshman Elias Drudger eagerly repeated his more interesting high school friend’s story as though it were his own personal anecdote.

“So I told the lieutenant governor,” said Drudger, concluding a story that, even to his very new friends, seemed completely inconsistent with his personality. “It’s only considered poaching if it wouldn’t have died anyway!”

“And then we just rolled the windows up and pulled the hose through the sun-roof,” explained Drudger, wrapping up another story with a delivery so rehearsed it was painfully clear that he had just plagiarized his high school friend. “The water level was rising just above the steering wheel when the car alarm finally went off.“

“But yeah it’s an immediate reaction – you say potpourri and my dad gags reflexively," said Drudger, shoehorning someone else’s story into his discussion section response. “So when Kelsey mentioned Pavlovian responses I guess it just sorta made me think of that.”

At press time, Drudger was claiming to be family friends with the actor someone just mentioned.

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