After applying to Brown for its wide breadth of class choices, innocent freshman engineering student Tommy Gorman is gonna learn so quickly that the Open Curriculum ain’t open for everyone.
“There’s this really cool RISD sculpture course I’ve been looking at,” said Gorman, whose next 8 semesters will be solely composed of shit with names like “Fluid Dynamics of Asymptotic Perturbation Methods.” “I’ve heard great things about the Urban Studies department too.”
Gorman, who one day will feel grateful for the opportunity to get credit for “The Social Impact of Engineering,” is reportedly shopping different English courses with his humanities friends, completely unaware that he will never have the opportunity to take a single course outside of his concentration. He recently even signed up to use the printer in List, as if he will ever step foot outside Barus and Holley.
At press time, a freshman at the activities fair is gonna learn so quickly that not just anyone can join clubs.

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