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The Brown Noser

Freshman Excited For Blank Slate Unaware That Character Flaws Will Eventually Be Exposed In New Environment

Published Friday, September 14th, 2018

Sources report that freshman Zain Kumar, who is excited for a fresh start, is completely unaware that his character flaws will inevitably be exposed to everyone in this new environment.

“This is a fresh start in a brand new community,” declared Kumar confidently, not knowing that his professors will quickly find out about his habitual tardiness and tendency to sleep during lecture.

According to Kumar, the beginning of his undergraduate career is a prime opportunity to rewrite his own narrative.

“Nobody here knows who I was in high school, so this is a great way to begin at square one and redefine who I am,” explained Kumar, clueless about his self-centered tendencies which will inevitably alienate his peers.

“I’m excited to get a blank slate,” continued Kumar, oblivious to the fact that the blank slate will last approximately one month, after which news regarding his poor effort in group projects will be common knowledge among the freshmen class. “The past can’t follow me here.”

At press time, Kumar’s roommate was already fed up with his filthiness and erratic sleep schedule.

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