Reports indicate that a group of freshmen, reveling in the joys of new friendship, is already planning a trip to New York as if they won’t all hate each other in three weeks.

“This is gonna be so fun!” said Kate Taggart, booking an Airbnb for six people who won’t be able to look each other in the eye by the time the trip rolls around. “It’ll be great to get away from Providence and spend some time with my favorite people. I can’t wait to walk on the High Line with all of you!”

“Steven’s aunt has an apartment on the Upper West Side, so we can probably hang out there one night,” Taggart continued, unaware that Steven will soon get into a devastating argument with Jenna and never speak to any of them again. “Should we get tickets to a show? The Book of Mormon, maybe? I think I’ll just go ahead and buy them!”

At press time, Taggart was Venmo requesting large sums of money from people she would avoid for the rest of her life.

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