Partly Cloudy, 64°
According to reports from anyone who knows anything at all about existing at Brown University, freshman Jarred Mitchell ’16 continually makes the most obvious mistakes that a freshman at Brown University could possibly make.
Kirsten Blais ’15 reports that she saw him on the third floor of Wilson asking where the stairs up were. Professor Richard Smith remarked that, during shopping period, Mitchell entered his international law class asking if this was CS 15 and if so would laptops be permitted. Smith also noted that, mid-way through the lecture, Mitchell raised his hand and asked if he could have the bathroom pass.
However, perhaps the most obvious of all of Mitchell’s mistakes is that, according to reliable sources, Mitchell sincerely believes that his roommate, Burt Coolidge ’16, will ever become friends with him.
Coolidge, who shares no interests, hobbies, or classes with Mitchell and rarely acknowledges his presence at all, has already formed a close-knit circle of friends from his introductory Linguistics courses. Despite this, Mitchell is as unable to tell that the two will never be friends as he is unable to locate “The Faunce” on a map.
At press time, Mitchell was seen attempting to order a “spicy with cheese” from the Ivy Room on a Saturday at Johnson and Wales.
