Partly Cloudy, 64°
Looking forward to returning to Wooley Hall for the summer semester, area freshman Freddy Wong ’24 was pretty psyched to spend the summer sweating his ass off in his cinderblock dorm room.
“I hear Providence is absolutely beautiful in the summer,” said Wong, looking forward to dreading every second he spends in his dorm this summer. “I cannot wait to soak up the summer sun and sweat my entire body weight off while trying to fall asleep at night.”
“I’ve already made so many friends during the spring, so I’m glad I don’t have to be away from them for the entire summer,” Wong remarked, excited to have more of those late-night, philosophical conversations with his peers while they all wither away from heatstroke. “Pretty awesome that I get to maintain those friendships from the comfort of rooms that certainly couldn’t be air conditioned by the $3-billion university.”
As spring slowly creeps into summer, the late-spring heat was reportedly giving Wong a little taste of what it’s like to want to peel your skin off every waking minute.
“You’re telling me I get to feel absolutely disgusting all day, every day, for three whole months? Gosh, how lucky am I!” Wong remarked, enjoying the single bead of sweat dripping from his forehead after the smallest walk across his room. “This totally beats staying at home with my lame parents and their silly air conditioning.”
At press time, Wong was confident that his teensy desk fan would sustain his body temperature through the summer.
