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The Brown Noser

Freshman Repeating “So Where Are You From?” To Every Living Thing Encountered

Published Friday, September 13th, 2019

Sources report freshman Kyle Jeffries has been repeating “So where are you from?” to every living thing he encounters.

“It started at the Ice Cream Social,” said fellow freshman Nigel Singh, noting that Jeffries immediately asked him and his friends the question when they met on the main green that night. “We heard him ask others where they were from after us, again and again, until eventually he was asking not only people but squirrels, birds, ants, trees. Anything alive.”

Singh described seeing Jeffries ask a fern what part of Massachusetts it’s from a few days later. “It seems he will not rest until he has found the origin of every living being on campus,” Singh remarked. “Nor till he’s informed us all that he lives about an hour outside Boston.”

At press time, Jeffries was asking a fruit fly what it’s interested in studying here.

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