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The Brown Noser

Freshman So Close To Discovering Patriot’s Court

Published Friday, November 1st, 2024

In an exciting report out of Keeney Quad this weekend, freshman Luca Capatelli was just so close to discovering Patriots Court.

“Yeah, Providence is basically my city,” Capatelli said, despite the fact that the most exotic place he had been in Providence was the Blue Room. “I know this campus like the back of my hand. I’m like, ‘Barus and Holley? Oh, it’s that way.’”

“It’s a rough world out there, but I got it down pretty quickly,” Capatelli continued, referring to how he finally figured out how to get to Andrews from the Main Green. “If you need help getting around, just let me know.”

“I think next week I might see what’s on the other side of the Ratty,” Capatelli said, unaware he was but a hair’s breadth away from discovering an entirely new quad. “But honestly, there’s probably nothing there. I’ve already combed this campus top to bottom, not much slips by old Luca.”

At press time, sophomores were so close to going off College Hill.

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