Friday, November 15, 2019
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The Brown Noser

Fully Autonomous Horse Beats Tesla To Market By 55 Million Years

Published Friday, September 13th, 2019

In a recent press conference, transportation expert Fred Greenfickle announced that a fully autonomous horse beat Tesla to market by 55 million years.

“In February, Tesla announced plans to release a self-driving vehicle by 2020,” Greenfickle said. “But horses have been fully autonomous since well before humans roamed the Earth.”

“Tesla and other automotive manufacturers try to sell customers on their advanced pedestrian detection systems,” continued Greenfickle. “My horse already neighs at every single person who walks by. It’s really amazing.”

“Developers at Tesla spent years designing algorithms that allow their cars to handle snow, rain and other adverse conditions without a driver,” Greenfickle added. “The horse has had that feature since the Eocene period.”

At press time, Greenfickle added that this was the biggest revelation since it was discovered that cows beat lawn mowers to market by 10,500 years.

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