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PepsiCo affiliates announce that the beloved drink, Gatorade, is now milk. “Well, we did, guys. It only took 60 years, but finally we perfected the formula for a delicious rehydrating sports drink,” states Ramon Laguarta CEO who insists Florida State basketball team loved the surprise soft launch of this new flavor during their last game. “This is perfect. If you think otherwise, you are objectively wrong.”
“We thought we had the recipe down
before, but just wait until you taste this bad boy,” continues Laguarta, whose subordinates in the company report that he constantly likened this new flavor to ‘the ambrosia of the Gods’. “This is going to be a game changer.”
“We came up with so many classic and delightful flavors that our customers have loved and appreciated for years, such as Lemon Lime, Fruit Punch, and Blue. But no more! We only have one flavor now, Milk!” Laguarta continues, filling up the orange jugs for NFL Super Bowl with milk. “I believe I did a really good thing for the world and humanity as a whole.”
At press time, PowerAid is now oat milk.
