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The Brown Noser

Girl At Nelson Simultaneously Running And Reading Like Some Kind Of Terminator Cyborg

Published Friday, December 9th, 2016

Simultaneously running on the treadmill and reading a chemistry textbook while at the Nelson, witnesses report that junior Sharon Collins looked like some kind of terminator cyborg. “When she got here she just balanced her book on the treadmill’s display and started jogging and reading at the same time like it was no biggie,” said gym goer Sam Koche, as he watched the display of his own treadmill intently, counting down the seconds until his workout would end. “Sometimes she picks up her phone and responds to texts as she runs, it’s like she’s not even feeling any of the pain that comes with running.” At press time, Collins was seen completing a problem set while effortlessly using the Jacob’s Ladder machine.

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