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Perched behind a folding table in Smith-Buonanno 207, junior Annika Ferguson prepares to tell the most emotionally turbulent, tear-inducing personal anecdote in her 9:00 AM creative nonfiction course, “Writing About Nouns.”
“I didn’t expect to hear such an insanely tragic, inimitably sorrowful, and undoubtedly somber tale before ten in the morning, but here we are,” said sophomore Ally Fiume, trying to figure out how Ferguson could unpack so much trauma in a dimly lit Smitty-B classroom before she had even finished her coffee. “I didn’t think it could get any worse, but each sentence was way more depressing than the last.”
“Annika unleashed all of that despair during a super standard conversation about proper and common nouns,” added Fiume, still reeling from hearing the bleakest, most upsetting story she’s ever heard, nonetheless in a Smitty-B classroom at 9:07 AM. “Annika’s turning in a piece for workshop next week, and I can’t even imagine what that will be like, especially because the prompt is ‘What’s the saddest noun you can think of?’”
At press time, a senior decided that her English literature class about Victorian romance novels would be an ideal place to crowdsource feedback on her current situationship.
