Philosophy Concentrator Robert Friedrich was seen last Friday exclaiming that “God is dead,” all the while trying to cover the suspiciously God-shaped lump in his throat.

“Now that God has been killed—metaphorically, of course, by the enlightenment-era pursuit of scientific knowledge and the abandonment of the dead—who knows what human nature will permit?” continued Friedrich, trying to swallow the remnants of the Divine Light lodged in his throat. “At this point, nobody knows the results of this most sacrilegious of actions, only that we all, collectively, and certainly not any single one of us on our own, share responsibility in the deed.”

At press time, an MCM concentrator with a suspiciously antenna-shaped lump in her throat was seen defending her thesis that “television is dead.”

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