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Sources confirmed that a local grandma remains blissfully unaware that her soft, wrinkled skin is becoming the perfect quality for a sweater.
“It’s honestly impressive,” said fiber arts concentrator Lucy Delaney ’27, gently patting Nana Pat’s forearm and testing the elasticity as if it were yarn quality. “Most people aren’t aware of how natural, sustainably sourced textiles are literally hugging them at Christmas dinner.”
“It’s funny what age does to a person. I can’t even remember the last time I bought moisturizer,” said Nana Pat, obliviously knitting what she described as “a little hat for the toaster.” “But every time I squeeze it, it fills right back up. Must be one of those subscription things.”
At press time, Nana Pat was seen asking other members of the family how long Lucy’s been carrying that little scalpel around.
