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In a heartbreaking display of love and loss, sources confirmed that Bucky, the local family dog of eight years, was processing the death of his dearly beloved owner by humping his tombstone.
“Everyone has a different relationship with grief, and I think it’s beautiful that we work through those stages differently,” said onlooker Gertrude Taft without clarifying which stage of grief might compel Bucky to ravish the owner’s granite tombstone with such ferocity. “We all know that Bucky has been hurting, so if this is what he needs to feel at peace, then I say, ‘Hump away, buddy.’”
“A funeral is supposed to be a celebration of life, and Bucky is celebrating in his own special way,” added Taft while Bucky’s front paws dug into the sepulcher as he humped like he had never humped before. “I think Bucky’s owner would be happy to see him like this.”
“Fuck no, I’m not ‘happy to see him like this!’ Why is nobody stopping him?!” said the ghost of Bucky’s owner, whose first vision upon returning to haunt the mortal realm was the sight of his beloved dog—tail aflutter in the spring breeze—defiling his grave. “Seriously, why would any of this be okay with me?! I knew I should’ve chopped his balls off when I had the chance.”
At press time, Bucky’s complex grieving process compelled him to dig up Grampy’s skeleton and gnaw on his bones.
