Partly Cloudy, 64°
This weekend, a group of twenty students were shocked that the dorm party they all pulled up to together was suddenly crowded.
“I can’t believe it’s so packed in here—I thought this was supposed to be a small, chill thing,” freshman Derek Wiseman shouted while sandwiched between the nineteen friends that he had pregamed with and the dorm room doorframe. “Why on earth would so many people try to get into a dorm party? Don’t they have anything better to do?”
“I swear, it’s the same group of randos that pull up to every single party and ruin the vibe,” Wiseman declared later that evening as he knelt atop the dorm resident’s lofted bed and poured the contents of a plastic Strawberry Smirnoff bottle into the open mouths of his closest friends. “This kind of stuff is really only fun with a small group of cool people. I just hate those losers who crash every party because they don’t bother to host their own.”
At press time, students were shocked that the mailroom had a long wait during passing period.
