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Officials are currently investigating the derailment of Food Network personality Guy Fieri’s flavor train, which reportedly rolled off the tracks in Heart Attackville while on course to Delicioustown late this afternoon.
The flavor train, which had been traveling through a Category 5 hurricane of butter and buffalo sauce for much of the morning, sped out of control after the dynamite taste of a deep-fried holy-moly Stromboli caught Fieri by surprise.
“Holy clam, Batman,” Fieri reportedly remarked seconds before the derailment. “That’s a veritable hob-goblin patch of flavor, and it’s freakin’ blastin’ me right now.”
After he lost control, the brakes of Fieri’s Iron Horse of Taste reportedly gave out and sent the train tumbling into the Right Coronary Blockage River that constitutes the border between Heart Attackville and Sudden Death City.
“It appears that the over-the-top, out-of-bounds flavor of the fried Stromboli was too much for Fieri’s flavor train to handle,” said Fieri’s taste technician, Peter Johnston. “Had he amped up the flavor just a nudge and sent that Stromboli into the flavor stratosphere, he might not be here right now.”
Fieri’s flavor train will reportedly require a slew of new repairs, including new angioplasty axels and a revamped coronary artery bypass engine, before getting back on the tummy tracks.
“It’s in the job description, brother,” Fieri reportedly remarked as munch mechanics performed repairs on the flavor train. “A flavor crusader doesn’t stop until he’s stormed the castle of the kingdom of yum. I’ll be back soon to take that taste-monarch to task.”
At press time, Fieri’s flavor train had reportedly been delayed on Pushing-It Mountain, after “Man v. Food” star Adam Richman’s savory caboose burst into flames from a busted saturated fat transmission near the town of Well, No Surprises Here.
