Friday, November 15, 2019
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The Brown Noser

Guy Holding Bluetooth Speaker At Party Has Never Known A Power Such As This

Published Friday, October 25th, 2019

Sources report that Bart Becker, who was seen holding the bluetooth speaker playing music for the entire party, has never known a power such as this.

“At first, I was just holding it on my cheek to feel the vibration because that shit rocks,” noted Becker. “But then a song came on and people cheered and suddenly I was aware of the fact that the vibe of this basement was entirely under my control. It felt like the music came forth from my own body, like it was always a part of me but only now was I reaching my full potential.”

“Listen, I’ve driven a car, I’ve led a meeting, but this, this is power,” heaved Becker with eyes wide. “The feeling that the music for this party, the most integral part of the party is literally in my hands is a feeling that I can confidently say I have never felt before, and I wish to never stop feeling it. Where would this rager be without me?”

At press time, “Mr. Brightside” came on through the speaker and Becker let out a primal scream.

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