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Sources report that area man Thomas Fry ’27, who spilled water on his pants, is glad he also pissed himself.
“I was worried people would think I was a total klutz for spilling water on myself,” said Fry, whose pants now had an ambiguous dark spot around the crotch. “Luckily, I also peed everywhere.”
“At first, I felt really frustrated,” Fry said as a puddle accumulated below him. “But then I realized it was a moment of serendipity and that all that water wouldn’t matter in the context of all this piss.”
“It would’ve been so embarrassing,” said Fry, shaking his head. “Luckily my bladder intervened. God, I love being a free American.”
At press time, a man who shat himself was relieved that the date had already been going poorly.
