Partly Cloudy, 64°
Sources confirm that a man with an alarmingly pronounced brow ridge is gearing up to absolutely demolish your argument in anthropology class.
“I thought I made a decent point,” said first-year student Timmy Smith, still visibly shaken. “The scripture was weird, but it was clearly about the discovery of fire, so I said it must’ve been revolutionary—keeping people warm, cooking food, all that good stuff. But before I could finish, I heard this low, guttural growl. I thought it came from the bushes outside.”
“Timmy doesn’t understand. Fire? Not that big of deal,” said Hunter Stone, a fourth-year geology concentrator who, despite the open chair next to him, chose to squat menacingly. His forehead cast a shadow over half the seminar table. “Zok thought fire made him alpha. But fire burned all our sticks. Sticks were crucial for hunting. No more Zok. Then I came along with my wheel. Wheel moved things. Wheel spun. Fire doesn’t spin.”
“He called me ‘soft-skulled’ when I suggested early humans weren’t super accomplished,” Timmy went on, rubbing his temples. “Then he flexed his forearm and let out this…noise. Like a warning call? The TA backed him up. I didn’t want to be the next example, so I just nodded and pretended I was taking notes.”
At press time, a soaking wet, briny guy was totally gonna destroy you in your oceanography discussion.
