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In a recent press release, a local brewery confirmed that their newest hard cider will have a super intense name like Shit Face Terry’s Skull Splitting Apple Ale.
“Maybe something like ‘Crush Ass Honeycrisp Diesel,’ that could work,” proposed branding representative Jason Dewey, deep in thought. “To really get six packs flying off the shelves we need to make this cider sound sexy and dangerous.”
“What if we went with something like ‘Slimy Petey’s Rock Hard Dizzy Juice,’" continued Dewey, brows furrowed as he paced back and forth in front of an idea board featuring images of punk rock bands and artists’ renditions of medieval weaponry. “Or I don’t know, ‘Ball-Bashing Sour Apple Mouth Piss?’ I’m just spitballing here.”
At press time, Dewey announced that the label design would incorporate both a flaming skull and a man doing a wheelie on a BMX bike.
