Saturday, December 3, 2022
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The Brown Noser

Hey Girlie, Just Wanted To Tell You, My Friend Thinks You're Really Cute. Also He’s Running For State Senate, Can He Count On Your Vote? By Campaign Manager Tess

Published Monday, October 31st, 2022

Hey girlie! Oh my gosh, so nice to meet you! My name is Tessarine, but you can call me Tess. I just wanted to come over and tell you that my friend over there thinks you’re really cute. And also he’s running for state senate, can he count on your vote? Yeah him over there in the khakis and the Patagonia quarter-zip, yeah. He said he’s never seen a girl like you before. He totally loves your style, and he said you have the prettiest smile he’s ever seen. Also he said you seem like you’d support his proposed ban on new residential zoning permits, and he wanted to see if he could count on you in November. He kept going on and on about how beautiful your eyes were and about how you carried yourself with a confidence he finds really attractive. He also mentioned that our campaign is falling short on its fundraising goals this quarter, and he wanted to know if you had the means to give even just a five dollar monthly donation to help us reach our target. Anyways, if you’re interested, here’s his phone number, website and local campaign office address in case you’d be interested in going out to dinner or attending a ribbon cutting ceremony down at the new community center.

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