Jamie Oregano, a high first-year who went to East Side Mini Mart in early September to satisfy his munchies, perished in the convenience store’s demolition. Sources say he was still deciding what to get.

“Yeah, I don’t know how we missed him,” reported Mini Mart cashier Kate Schrump, wistful for her former place of employment. “He would come in here most nights and would move the slowest I’ve ever seen anyone move. He looked at every single snack in the store, often picking one up to read the back. Though I’m not sure he was actually reading the package, more just staring and not comprehending.”

“He would do so many loops of the store but would always end up getting Extra Toasty Cheez-Its,” added Schrump. “For some reason, his decision was harder to make this time and it cost him his life. I still don’t know how we didn’t notice him. I guess he just started to blend in. Yes, he became one with the things he loved: snacks.”

At press time, a hand raised through the rubble of the destruction, holding a lone Extra Toasty Cheez-It.

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