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The Brown Noser

High School English Teacher Just Referring To Every Character As Christ-Like Figure By Now

Published Friday, March 9th, 2018

According to sources in Mrs. Martin’s eleventh grade AP English class, Mrs. Martin is just referring to every character as a Christ-like figure at this point.

“Pay attention to that minor character we met at the end of the last chapter,” said Mrs. Martin during class on Tuesday. “We won’t see him again, but did you notice how he was eating? It was just like at the Last Supper. Did you all pick up on that?”

“This character sacrificed something,” continued Mrs. Martin, really milking common biblical allusions for all they’re worth. “There’s a description about that one having a shiny forehead. And we were introduced to this other one when they woke up which is an allusion to Jesus rising from the dead. All of them: Christ-like figures.”

Students report that the references have started to become distracting.

“I was on board when she said a character carrying a heavy object up a hill was a reference to the crucifixion,” said student Julia Reardon, adding that the first mentions of Christ-like figures seemed really on-point and insightful. “But then she said another character was a Christ-like figure just because he had a glass of wine. She’s definitely just reading too far into it.”

“But she said making a reference like that on the AP test would mean we would at least get a 4 so I’m just going to keep going along with it,” continued Reardon.

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