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The Brown Noser

High Schooler Taking Nonsense Classes Through Summer@Brown Getting Taste Of Nonsense Classes They Can Take At Actual Brown

Published Friday, May 12th, 2023

Eager to experience college life without any of the freedom, stress, or fun of actual college, a high school student taking nonsense courses through Summer@Brown is getting a taste of the nonsense courses she can take at actual Brown.

“I could’ve taken Algebra II and Chemistry through an accredited academic program this summer, but I decided to enroll in the Brown’s pre-college program instead,” said rising tenth-grader Alyssa Steinbock, taking some totally ridiculous courses created for high schoolers posing as Brown undergrads that actually resemble the totally ridiculous courses created for real Brown undergrads. “I’ve learned so much in ‘Normative Ethics of Lasagna’ and ‘Writing Without Words,’ like way more than I would’ve learned in some STEM class!”

Although Steinbock thinks that living in an unbearably hot dorm room, eating chili con carne at the Ratty, and meeting other upper-middle class people from all over the two coasts are most reflective of attending Brown, it’s actually the nonsense courses she is taking this summer that truly exemplify the Brown experience.

“I’ve been given this amazing opportunity to spend the summer at Brown, taking classes taught by some undergraduate who couldn’t secure a summer internship,” added Steinbock, reflecting upon her silly summer courses that are just as useless in the real world as the ones offered at real Brown. “That’s why I’m taking advantage of these few months to learn all I can about the moral dilemma of layering pasta in wide strips and writing without words.”

At press time, Steinbock was so excited to pay $7,000 for her fake college experience because it kinda felt like paying $350,000 for an actual college experience.

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