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"History Department Chair Professor James McClain announced yesterday, in accordance with the plans for ""the Walk,"" that Peter Green House-the current home of his department-would be relocated to a new position. He added excitedly that History would be sure to follow.
Peter Green does not interfere with the projected path that the Walk will take, but University officials have decided to move it anyway.
""We could use some change around here,"" said Professor McClain optimistically, ""and once we move the ol' girl, I'm sure the history will be dying to follow her.""
Most were glad to see the building moved and shared the attitude of Professor McClain, but some expressed muted concern. Professor Tara Nummedal, currently teaching European History, worried that History's new location would affect its content. ""In its previous roots, History was by and large East of the main stream,"" noted Professor Nummedal. ""I'd like to see Western culture featured more prominently not only in our department, but across the other disciplines as well.""
""It's true,"" added Professor Gordon Wood. ""Traditionally, Western culture and ideas have gotten the shaft, so to speak."" Professor Wood had recently returned from leave to learn the news of the department's relocation. ""I mean, as responsible historians and professors, we're supposed to follow History's course as she moves forward, but truth be told, I'm getting tired of chasing it,"" said Wood. ""I know History has only progressed three times in the past 45 years, but keeping track of her can be very trying. We're only mortal.""
Professor Engin Akarli, Director of Graduate Studies, offered some consolation. ""The new department will be much closer to the Rockefeller Library and the John Carter Brown Library, so the history stored in those buildings will be a lot easier to transport than before. History won't have to pass as quickly now, since it has more time and less ground to cover.""
""I don't know much about the new plans,"" continued Professor Akarli, ""but I'm sure this will mean absolutely nothing to students. I'm not worried at all, and they shouldn't be either. The new building is also going to be much larger, since history is constantly changing and progressing.""
""Well I do hope the new building will be bigger,"" whispered Professor Wood. ""There'll be more history to fit inside it than last time, I mean, the entire Peter Green House has to fit in it, because let's face it, she'll be history,
too."""
